Awe - I am in awe of the creation and blessings God has provided me with in my life. I was so blessed to take a trip to the Dominican Republic and love on my brothers and sisters in Christ for a week. They were so joyful and excited to be sharing that sacred time w us. I met a little boy named Joan that changed my life forever.
Depression - As soon as I got home I got extremely sick and did not leave my bed/couch for 5 days. It immediately put me in a terrible state of depression. I did not want to be back in the states and the fact that I was sick made the matter even worse. Still to this day, I don't want anything more than to be back in the D.R. loving on the kids of Don Bosco.
Anger - The one man I have ever loved in my entire life decided to contact me again after almost a year of not speaking. I was caught off guard but I have a feeling he had this conversation planned for a long time. He knows what words he can use to control me and to hook me again. The sad and honest truth is that he did hook me again. He hooked me so bad that I cannot be alone for more than 5 minutes without thinking about how badly I want to be in his arms again. That alone makes me angry. Angry at myself. Angry at him. Even angry at God for allowing this snake to come back into my life for the third time trying to steal my heart.
Confusion - I love my major. I love what I have decided to do with my life... at least I thought I did until I got home from the D.R. I wasn't able to attend classes because I was so sick but I have never felt so alive not being at school. It has been draining me and I no longer want to be there. I want to work with a world wide organization and work directly with children for the rest of my life. I would be perfectly content with quitting school right now and never returning. That is not good since I have 2 semesters left after this one.
Faith - Despite all of my feelings I KNOW that God is in control. I may be angry, confused, or depressed but God knows exactly what he is doing with me. I have never had a peace with God like I do now and it warms my heart. Thank you Jesus for your grace, love, and hope.
