Hate/Love relationship.

I love watching movies, all types. I love rapping Lil Wayne in my truck then singing Rascal Flatts right afterwards. I love staying up so late that I fall asleep on accident. I love making late night trips to get food. I love playing video games. I love sitting outside and looking at the stars. I love not wearing makeup. I love staying in my pajamas all day then dressing up to go out later that night. I love laughing till I cry. I love speaking my mind. I love spending the entire day with family telling stories, laughing, and simply enjoying each other's company. I love playing stupid computer games. I love watching sports. I love playing basketball. I love being so close to someone that you know what they're thinking. I love sitting in silence and it not be awkward. I love talking in my baby voice. I love you.

I hate that all of these things aren't the same without you.

Random thoughts to different people

You drive me insane. I don't know what you want, who you want, or who you really are. Everything revolves around your timing and my heart has officially checked out from this game of yours.

I love you. You are such a strong person but I'm not sure if you realize it. I hope you keep living your life to the fullest because when you are happy, I am happy. I'm proud of you.

We could be best friends but every time we get close, you push me away again. I don't know if I've done something or if you're not as devoted to this relationship as I am. It's a shame.

We've been best friends for years. The "what ifs?" have filled our brains at different times but neither of us have made a move. It's weird that I'm talking to more than one person here...

What are you doing? I don't understand what you're doing with your life. It breaks my heart to see what path you have chosen. One day you'll regret the choices you made. Again, talking to more than one person.

Thank you for everything you have done the past few weeks. If I didn't hear your kind words and encouragement, I wouldn't be standing right now. You're such a sweet person and I look forward to getting to know you even more.

You made me look like a fool. You made me trust you then you ran in the opposite direction. I try to tell myself that it's not my fault but it's hard not to blame it on myself. Oh what I would do for a second chance...

One thing I've learned...

I can't do this on my own.

Variety of emotions

Awe - I am in awe of the creation and blessings God has provided me with in my life. I was so blessed to take a trip to the Dominican Republic and love on my brothers and sisters in Christ for a week. They were so joyful and excited to be sharing that sacred time w us. I met a little boy named Joan that changed my life forever.

Depression - As soon as I got home I got extremely sick and did not leave my bed/couch for 5 days. It immediately put me in a terrible state of depression. I did not want to be back in the states and the fact that I was sick made the matter even worse. Still to this day, I don't want anything more than to be back in the D.R. loving on the kids of Don Bosco.

Anger - The one man I have ever loved in my entire life decided to contact me again after almost a year of not speaking. I was caught off guard but I have a feeling he had this conversation planned for a long time. He knows what words he can use to control me and to hook me again. The sad and honest truth is that he did hook me again. He hooked me so bad that I cannot be alone for more than 5 minutes without thinking about how badly I want to be in his arms again. That alone makes me angry. Angry at myself. Angry at him. Even angry at God for allowing this snake to come back into my life for the third time trying to steal my heart.

Confusion - I love my major. I love what I have decided to do with my life... at least I thought I did until I got home from the D.R. I wasn't able to attend classes because I was so sick but I have never felt so alive not being at school. It has been draining me and I no longer want to be there. I want to work with a world wide organization and work directly with children for the rest of my life. I would be perfectly content with quitting school right now and never returning. That is not good since I have 2 semesters left after this one.

Faith - Despite all of my feelings I KNOW that God is in control. I may be angry, confused, or depressed but God knows exactly what he is doing with me. I have never had a peace with God like I do now and it warms my heart. Thank you Jesus for your grace, love, and hope.

Don Bosco

Stoked on working in the village Don Bosco during my mission trip in the Dominican Republic.

http://www.cotni.org/pages/don-bosco

Idealist

So. I took a personality test that my professor recommended and surprisingly it's me in a nutshell. Enjoy. 

Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self -- always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. Idealists are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials.

Idealists are sure that friendly cooperation is the best way for people to achieve their goals. Conflict and confrontation upset them because they seem to put up angry barriers between people. Idealists dream of creating harmonious, even caring personal relations, and they have a unique talent for helping people get along with each other and work together for the good of all. Such interpersonal harmony might be a romantic ideal, but then Idealists are incurable romantics who prefer to focus on what might be, rather than what is. The real, practical world is only a starting place for Idealists; they believe that life is filled with possibilities waiting to be realized, rich with meanings calling out to be understood. This idea of a mystical or spiritual dimension to life, the "not visible" or the "not yet" that can only be known through intuition or by a leap of faith, is far more important to Idealists than the world of material things.

Highly ethical in their actions, Idealists hold themselves to a strict standard of personal integrity. They must be true to themselves and to others, and they can be quite hard on themselves when they are dishonest, or when they are false or insincere. More often, however, Idealists are the very soul of kindness. Particularly in their personal relationships, Idealists are without question filled with love and good will. They believe in giving of themselves to help others; they cherish a few warm, sensitive friendships; they strive for a special rapport with their children; and in marriage they wish to find a "soulmate," someone with whom they can bond emotionally and spiritually, sharing their deepest feelings and their complex inner worlds.

Idealists are relatively rare, making up no more than 15 to 20 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and their idealism has given them influence far beyond their numbers.

Idealists at Work
Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. They are naturally drawn to working with people and are gifted with helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potential both on, and off, the job.

Your attention is naturally drawn to the individual and collective needs, desires, and experiences of people in your environment. In your ideal job, you would be able to use your inner beliefs as a guide for empowering others. Though you are comfortable with leadership, you don’t like arbitrary hierarchies. You care deeply about people as people, and often feel that maintaining official role boundaries interferes unnecessarily with both communication and progress.