Variety of emotions

Awe - I am in awe of the creation and blessings God has provided me with in my life. I was so blessed to take a trip to the Dominican Republic and love on my brothers and sisters in Christ for a week. They were so joyful and excited to be sharing that sacred time w us. I met a little boy named Joan that changed my life forever.

Depression - As soon as I got home I got extremely sick and did not leave my bed/couch for 5 days. It immediately put me in a terrible state of depression. I did not want to be back in the states and the fact that I was sick made the matter even worse. Still to this day, I don't want anything more than to be back in the D.R. loving on the kids of Don Bosco.

Anger - The one man I have ever loved in my entire life decided to contact me again after almost a year of not speaking. I was caught off guard but I have a feeling he had this conversation planned for a long time. He knows what words he can use to control me and to hook me again. The sad and honest truth is that he did hook me again. He hooked me so bad that I cannot be alone for more than 5 minutes without thinking about how badly I want to be in his arms again. That alone makes me angry. Angry at myself. Angry at him. Even angry at God for allowing this snake to come back into my life for the third time trying to steal my heart.

Confusion - I love my major. I love what I have decided to do with my life... at least I thought I did until I got home from the D.R. I wasn't able to attend classes because I was so sick but I have never felt so alive not being at school. It has been draining me and I no longer want to be there. I want to work with a world wide organization and work directly with children for the rest of my life. I would be perfectly content with quitting school right now and never returning. That is not good since I have 2 semesters left after this one.

Faith - Despite all of my feelings I KNOW that God is in control. I may be angry, confused, or depressed but God knows exactly what he is doing with me. I have never had a peace with God like I do now and it warms my heart. Thank you Jesus for your grace, love, and hope.

Don Bosco

Stoked on working in the village Don Bosco during my mission trip in the Dominican Republic.

http://www.cotni.org/pages/don-bosco

Idealist

So. I took a personality test that my professor recommended and surprisingly it's me in a nutshell. Enjoy. 

Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self -- always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. Idealists are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials.

Idealists are sure that friendly cooperation is the best way for people to achieve their goals. Conflict and confrontation upset them because they seem to put up angry barriers between people. Idealists dream of creating harmonious, even caring personal relations, and they have a unique talent for helping people get along with each other and work together for the good of all. Such interpersonal harmony might be a romantic ideal, but then Idealists are incurable romantics who prefer to focus on what might be, rather than what is. The real, practical world is only a starting place for Idealists; they believe that life is filled with possibilities waiting to be realized, rich with meanings calling out to be understood. This idea of a mystical or spiritual dimension to life, the "not visible" or the "not yet" that can only be known through intuition or by a leap of faith, is far more important to Idealists than the world of material things.

Highly ethical in their actions, Idealists hold themselves to a strict standard of personal integrity. They must be true to themselves and to others, and they can be quite hard on themselves when they are dishonest, or when they are false or insincere. More often, however, Idealists are the very soul of kindness. Particularly in their personal relationships, Idealists are without question filled with love and good will. They believe in giving of themselves to help others; they cherish a few warm, sensitive friendships; they strive for a special rapport with their children; and in marriage they wish to find a "soulmate," someone with whom they can bond emotionally and spiritually, sharing their deepest feelings and their complex inner worlds.

Idealists are relatively rare, making up no more than 15 to 20 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and their idealism has given them influence far beyond their numbers.

Idealists at Work
Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. They are naturally drawn to working with people and are gifted with helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potential both on, and off, the job.

Your attention is naturally drawn to the individual and collective needs, desires, and experiences of people in your environment. In your ideal job, you would be able to use your inner beliefs as a guide for empowering others. Though you are comfortable with leadership, you don’t like arbitrary hierarchies. You care deeply about people as people, and often feel that maintaining official role boundaries interferes unnecessarily with both communication and progress.

Dumbfounded.

I am completely dumbfounded at the fact that you still make my life miserable even when I don't see or speak to you for months. I want you to go away completely. It's not fair to me to have this unfinished business with you and cry randomly when you're cuddled up with some girl every single night of your life. I have always thought of our relationship as a learning experience for me; however, it has done nothing for me than cause me excruciating pain the past year. You are a liar and a cheat yet you are the one in a relationship with someone who deserves so much better. I never thought I could hate someone as much as I hate you. Congrats.

Christmas 2010

I knew Christmas would be wonderful this year because well... it's Christmas. This year was a little bit different for my family. My dad was released from the Mayo Clinic 5 days before Christmas so that my mom and him could make it home in time to celebrate with my brother and I. I had planned to stay in Florida but as soon as I got the news, I headed home to Tennessee so I could embrace my dad in one of the most memorable, emotional hugs I've ever shared with him. Now THAT is the best Christmas present ever.

Christmas Eve was rewarding because my brothers girlfriend, her 3 children, and her mother joined us for our service at church. Wow. I loved being a part of that and when the youngest little girl crawled over the chairs so that I could hold her it made me realize how blessed I am. After church our family went to the Bates' house for dinner which is the only place other than my parents house that I feel at home. I love that family so stinkin much and I wouldn't be the person I am now without them in my life.

Not only was celebrating Christmas with my family amazing but waking up to 5 inches of snow on Christmas day made it 100 times better. I got to build a snowman for the first time in many years and have a snowball fight like I was 5 years old again. Here's a picture of me and Kira with Frosty...

Jesus, thank you so much for everything you have blessed me with. You are amazing and your love NEVER fails. I am sensing that 2011 is going to be a different year for me. 

You and Me.

Our hearts are so much alike in so many ways. We've known each other for so long but sometimes I feel invisible to you. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you. I have prayed it will go away but for some strange reason it hasn't. You are my first love. It's weird because it's a different kind of love that I've shared with others. I have a passion for you. I would do anything for you at anytime.
We've watched each other "love" others over and over again. Watched each other get hurt and hold each other while we cried. I'm not really sure why we keep traveling down this road when the right path seems to lead straight towards each other. We're stubborn. Or at least you are.
I'm still praying for a miracle. I pray that God will remove this love from my heart or he will ignite the one in yours to the point that you realize what's true. I'm exhausted from loving you. Emotionally, physically, mentally exhausted.

Praying for Carl Willis

Praying for my hero and wonderful father.